Mommy in Training

Even as young children, girls have a nurturing instinct in them that makes them great moms from the start. Even if there are no baby dolls or teddy bears to push around in that stroller we could always find something. We will be a mommy to anything..crayons, blocks, maybe even the television remote.

I've made it to twenty without missing a beat.

I get to watch little people all day and its the best ever.
I eat dino nuggets and drink chocolate milk, pirates booty and 'nilla waffers.
I ride bikes and build legos.
I have dance parties to Recess Monkey and Raffi.
I play tag and hide n seek.
I do experiments and create wonders out of construction paper and glue.
I spray shaving cream all over the windows and draw pictures with my fingers.
I go to all the coolest movies and museums.
I escape to different parts of the world in the Magic Fort.
I play dress up and board games.
I watch disney channel and I love it.

But better yet..

I get to cuddle close are read stories deep into the night.

Hold little fingers and wipe snotty noses.

Get silly nicknames like nu nu and feather.

See imagination at its peak.

Get trampled by hugs at running speed.

See smiles and excitement when i walk through the door.

I have the best job ever.

Mommy in training.

Will

Hana and Eli

Victoria Jane

Sadie and Venincia

Jacob

Peter and Cecilia

Spit it out

Through writing I learn patience. I have so much to say and I need to write it but I, unlike others, cannot write and go back and rewrite it with the same heart and make it better. I need to write, revise, edit, correct and finalize it in one process. I am halted at clicking my pen thoughtfully and cannot move further. So I won't write. But when will I learn to move in steps instead of feeling the need to complete everything at once.

-maybe this is writers block. -frustrating

We're loosing only to gain.

I have just had the most complicated week. -one of immense confusion

My life has definitely redirected itself these past -long- weeks. I would have said -actually i did say- in the beginning if I could find a one way ticket out of this situation I would book it without thought, but I chose to stay, suffer, find peace and grow all while laughing and cryingcryingcrying. -what a release

Now, as I am walking back through the rubble of this train wreck I am finding survivors. Feeling the security that my path hasn't dead-ended but OH NO, it has lengthened and I am soaking in the fragrance of new beginnings. -what a sweet smell-

New beginnings is a delighting phrase but with that comes the lurking beast with only one motive - kill.steal.destroy.

God cannot do anything without Satan trying to match Him with disaster in my life. I found myself dressed in my flesh so many days eating filth disguised as desserts. It all felt pretty unpredictable. One day this decision to move forward and step into that new beginning, then the next hour completely defeated and left feeling like any situation at that point was impossible.

Hope could not of happened without these voices speaking into my life. God using so many ways to convey to me hope and an everlasting love that I have only played in at times. Now was the time to learn how to fully embrace that love.

Once that encouragement touched my vessels it spread like wild fires to my spirit. I was no longer walking my dark cloud around but i had left it behind to nurture a little sprout that will turn into a sunflower bigger than my head. :)

What a job and a job it has been. My path might be narrow right now but it is stretching far ahead. This is how I know I am not over, "this too shall pass".

Testing..123

Here's to day one of this journey.

-fingerprint